Readers respond
Many parents have their own stories
of frustration in dealing with state
By DINA GERDEMAN
The Patriot Ledger
The phone calls and E-mails started to arrive even before the first deadbeat dad story was published, prompted merely by an ad promoting the upcoming series.
By the third day of the series, more than 50 letters, E-mails and phone calls had come into The Patriot Ledger newsroom, most from parents who had their own stories of frustration in dealing with a state department seemingly ill-equipped to collect money from deadbeat parents.
The stories were similar to those detailed in the series that ran Sept. 18-21: Mothers desperate for child support complained that an overburdened and understaffed state Department of Revenue doesn't crack down on 47,782 deadbeats. Fathers who do pay child support say the state is unfairly labeling them as delinquent.
Although 95 to 97 percent of deadbeats are dads, we also heard from fathers - and in one case an ex-mother-in-law - who said the state also lets deadbeat moms slip through the cracks.
Here is a sample of responses:
"It's about time someone actually put some energy into this ongoing problem," wrote one mom who said she is owed $180,000. "I bet you would love the letter I received from (the state) basically saying since they can't find him, they will consider my case closed."
"I don't think I will ever see the money, but would just like to see some justice," wrote one mother who is owed more than $70,000 and has been struggling with the Department of Revenue since 1981. "I would keep checking with (the state department) off and on, only to feel the awful frustration of no help and concern."
"My ex has shown me his checks, showing the money being taken out," wrote one woman who said the state has delayed her child support for more than two months. "I called (the state) for three days straight and never got anyone."
"The state was in no hurry to help me collect as I put myself through nursing school and was not on welfare," said one woman whose new husband pays child support. "It would be nice if the system was fair."
"I have seen problems with the system firsthand," wrote one man who fell behind on child support payments. "I don't consider myself a deadbeat, just a guy who ran into some trouble, and I'm now working toward repaying. But the state makes it harder for a guy like me to live by levying my bank account and threatening to take my license and tax refunds."
"This needs to come into the light," wrote one woman. "So please continue with this series. Maybe something will actually get done. Too many families are going without the support they need."
"I have three children, and I have been crying for help but nobody hears me," said one woman whose ex-husband owes about $20,000 over 12 years, and claims she can't get him arrested despite having a warrant.
"Instead of putting posters of deadbeat dads out there, they should post pictures of the children who are being neglected," wrote one mom who is owed about $17,000 in child support.
"My health had deteriorated from the stress of late nights running around trying to find (my ex-husband), not eating properly and trying to work two jobs and take care of two children all at once," wrote one mom. She tracked her ex-husband by going to bars where he hung out and had him arrested.
"Where are all the stories of deadbeat moms? When are they going to take some responsibility for their children?" one father wrote. "Forget about gender. We should all be held accountable for our children."
"We are beaten down. No one will listen, no one cares," wrote the wife of a man who said the state claims he owes much more than he does.
"The system is a horrible mess and it does need fixing," one father said.
"Please tell me how the system can allow deadbeat parents to have the advantage when it is us custodial parents who struggle every day to make ends meet," one mother wrote. "I have given up all faith in the system."
"The most outrageous indignity is the fact that there is absolutely zero accountability on the custodial parent as to how the support funds are used," one father wrote. "My ex-wife shops at Neiman Marcus and Bloomingdale's while my new wife and myself make do searching the markdowns at Filene's Basement."
"I am so sick of hearing about a few high-profile cases that the state uses to pat itself on the back while the bulk of these cases go unresolved," one reader wrote.
"The system needs to be overhauled, maybe by making child support be based on after-tax income, not pretax," one father wrote. "I do not mind paying for my child as long as it is fair. When and if that day comes, I guarantee you will find fewer deadbeat parents."
"As a divorced dad of two who hasn't missed a single payment in over five years, I can't understand how fathers can just turn away," one man wrote. "How do they sleep at night, not knowing whether their kids have eaten or are warm and dry? Thank you for your article. I hope it does more than just shed light on this epidemic and results in a vigorous campaign by the state to hunt down deadbeat dads and force them to honor their obligations to their children."
"Every step I take forward, the state comes along and shoves me to the ground," wrote one father who had a bank account raided by the state. "The system is a failed one because it lumps every person who owes money into the deadbeat category. But there are people like me out there, legitimately trying to make good on their past mistakes, but being slapped in the face."
"These deadbeats have to be arrested," one mother wrote, "and their bail should be set for what they owe the mom and child."
