Courageous citizen soldiers have gone to war. Spouses, children, parents and much-loved family and friends are fighting their own battles here at home. What happens to lives interrupted by deadly conflict?

WARRING EMOTIONS

With a loved one now in Iraq, Marshfield mother and daughter feel proud, fearful and uncertain

AMELIA KUNHARDT/The Patriot Ledger Marilyn O’Hearn of Marshfield watched daughters Melissa and Sarah ride horses in the North River near Marshfield’s Rexhame Beach on July 17. The next day Sarah left to join other members of her National Guard unit for training in Mississippi. She is now in Iraq.

STORY BY DON CONKEY ~ PHOTOS BY AMELIA KUNHARDT
THE PATRIOT LEDGER

Marilyn O’Hearn of Marshfield smiled as she sat at her kitchen table and talked about how proud she is of her daughter Sarah, a National Guard soldier who recently began a tour of duty in Iraq.

Then the smile faded.

“My biggest worry is the roadside bombs,” Marilyn said softly. “I try not to think about it, but I do. I think about it a lot.”

Across the table, her other daughter Melissa - Sarah’s older sister - nodded.

“The bombs are definitely the scariest things,” Melissa said.

When Sarah O’Hearn, 22, left for Iraq about two months ago, everyday life dramatically changed for her loved ones back home in Marshfield.

The biggest change has been having to deal with a wide range of feelings-. There is pride. And of course, worry. The constant wondering whether Sarah, wherever she is, is safe.

“I have never, ever paid more attention to what is going on in the world than I am now,” Melissa said. “It’s hard to understand: OK, they’re looking for insurgents... Well, how do they know who the insurgents are?”

Melissa, 30, and Marilyn O’Hearn, 59, knew that Sarah’s deployment to Iraq would tug on their emotions, but not until Sarah was actually in the war zone, squarely in harm’s way, did they know just how tough the strain would be.

“It was really hard when Sarah left, for both of us,” Marilyn said, “and now, if there is a lapse of time that you don’t hear from her, it is very hard.”

Photo courtesy of O'Hearn family “It’s our turn now,” Sarah O’Hearn says of her deployment.

Just before her unit left Kuwait and crossed into Iraq, Sarah sent a text message to Melissa. It read: “Bye-bye, I’m going to the big bad place now. I love you both.”

Melissa said she was “freaked out” by the message.

“How do I tell my mother this - that her daughter is going into the warfare?” Melissa recalled.

She said her mother was calm when she heard the news.

“I’m shocked at how strong she’s being. I am so impressed with my mom,” Melissa said.

“But,” Marilyn said, “I still have my moments. You just try to handle it. I have no choice.”

Melissa has tried to fill some of the void in the house created by Sarah’s absence by “picking up the goofball part, doing stuff that Sarah used to do, like dancing around stupid.”

She said she does it to “make my mom laugh.”

Even though Sarah O’Hearn is in Iraq, she is very much still at home in spirit. There are constant reminders of her at the O’Hearn house, including yellow ribbons outside and pictures inside.

Sarah - the daughter, sister and soldier - is constantly in Marilyn and Melissa O’Hearn’s thoughts.

“She told me in an e-mail that she is glad to make a difference, one way or another, and she’s helping somebody, one way or another, and that’s what she’s always strived for,” Melissa said.

“She’s there, and that’s how it is,” Marilyn said. “I have to accept that. She’s happy. She’s proud. She’s doing what she wants to do, and that’s a good thing.”

When Sarah reached her final destination in Iraq, she sent home a message about the emotions of troop turnover.

Marilyn said Sarah wrote about how the best part was to “see the soldiers we’re relieving. They can’t get the smiles off their faces. They’ve done their time. It’s our turn now.”

But for a soldier’s loved ones waiting anxiously at home, it’s hardly all smiles.

“The biggest change since Sarah has left, for me, is the dreading,” Marilyn said.

“Dreading the knock at the door.”

Don Conkey may be reached at dconkey@ledger.com.

AMELIA KUNHARDT/The Patriot Ledger Marilyn O’Hearn, left,and her daughter Melissa, stand outside O’Hearn’s Marshfield home, holding a plaque they made to honor Marilyn’s youngest daughter Sarah, an Army National Guard military police officer serving in Iraq.