TEEN SURVEY
In matters of sex, friends rule

AMELIA KUNHARDT/The Patriot Ledger

By Dina Gerdeman
The Patriot Ledger

Teenagers say friends are the biggest influence on their sexual behavior, then movies and television.

Parents run a distant third.

More than 40 percent of the 527 high school students surveyed by The Patriot Ledger said friends were their number one influence on sex matters. Twenty-five percent said movies and television ranked first. And only 15 percent said their parents’ values were their greatest influence.

Many of the 10 teenagers who participated in a Patriot Ledger focus group to discuss the survey said their parents had little if any impact on their sexual behavior. The names of focus group members, all South Shore high school students, have been changed to protect their privacy.

“My parents aren’t open about it. I think it’s all friends,’’ Sue, 18, said. “In my group of friends, once one girl had sex, everyone did. Once it becomes the norm, then it is the norm.”

Most teens surveyed said they felt in control of their sexual behavior and not overly influenced by what their friends were doing. But 23 percent of boys and 17 percent of girls said they were only somewhat in control or not in control.

Parents may have little influence because teens just can’t bring themselves to talk to their parents about sex.

The Ledger survey found that 55 percent of boys and 58 percent of girls said they didn’t feel comfortable discussing sex with their parents.

“My parents are dumb on the subject,’’ Alan, 18, said. “They just don’t get it. I have my world of school, friends and social life. I have my other world of family and home. The worlds cannot collide.”

Other teens said their parents were more open about discussing sex.

Jocelyn, 18, said she is shy about talking to her parents about sex and won’t initiate a conversation. But her mom approached her last year to have a talk when she was dating a guy in college - a talk Jocelyn said she appreciated.

“It did help a lot, even though I wasn’t totally responsive,’’ she said. “It did help that they knew what was going on. They didn’t condemn me.”

Victoria said her father, who talked to her about carrying condoms when she goes to college next year, is approachable, but her mother is not.

“My dad is open about it,” Victoria, 18, said. “(He says) you can do what you want but do it respectfully. My mom is hush-hush about it.”

Teens in the focus group said they have trouble talking to their parents because they believe their parents are naive about the teen sex scene.

The teens agreed that at least 50 percent of teenagers are having sex. One teen estimated the number was higher - about 75 percent. Most agreed that teens start having sex on average at age 16, but they knew people who started younger.

Some kids who jump into sex at a young age with someone they don’t care about end up feeling sorry, Victoria said. “Unless they’ve been in a relationship for five months or longer, they regret having it,’’ she said. “It’s not what you think it’s going to be.”

Most teens who are having sex are in committed relationships, but others hook up at parties for one-night stands. Alan said boys get a social boost by having sex with girls they’re not dating.

“If you’re a guy and you’re not in a relationship and you (have sex) , it’s an achievement.’’ – Alan

“If you’re a guy and you’re not in a relationship and you (have sex) , it’s an achievement,’’ he said.

The teens said there isn’t blatant peer pressure to have sex, but some teens may feel left out if they don’t.

“Say in a group of four friends, three of them are sexually active,’’ Victoria said. “(The fourth one) will get left out of discussions. But it’s not like, ‘I have to go out and (have sex).’’’

Jocelyn said most teens have sex not because their friends are pressuring them, but because they’re curious themselves.

“I’ve always been mad about how people build up the peer pressure thing,’’ she said. “You make your own decisions. I think it’s more curiosity than peer pressure.”

Abstinence is rare. There are teens who have never had sex, but not because they are opposed to the idea, Victoria said.

“No one says, I’m waiting for marriage,’’ she said. “I’m waiting for the right person, yeah. But marriage, no.”

Despite efforts to encourage teens to practice safe sex, many aren’t using protection. Teens in the focus group said birth control pills are common, but many couples are skipping condoms, leaving them susceptible to sexually transmitted diseases.

“Of all the kids having sex, 50 percent don’t use condoms,” Ryan said.

Alan said many guys think using birth control pills is protection enough. “If a girl is on the pill, it’s like ‘Score!’’’

Teens say it’s important that schools start earlier than high school in talking about safe sex and dating violence.

“We have education. We have pamphlets. We have assemblies. Enough already,’’ Jocelyn said. “Kids in high school, they’re almost adults. By now we’re making our own choices, so you might as well start earlier.”

Parents should also broach the subject with their children at a young age, they agreed. But that doesn’t mean teens will ever truly feel at ease chatting with their parents about sex.

“You’re not supposed to,’’ Joe, 16, said during the focus group discussion. “That’s why God gave us friends.”

“Then why did God give us parents?” Jocelyn asked.

Alan answered: “To talk about everything else.”

Dina Gerdeman may be reached at dgerdeman@ledger.com.

Top of Page | Return to Series Summary