By ANNE TRAFTON
The Patriot Ledger
update published 3-31-04

KINGSTON

More than a year after Silver Lake was thrust into the national spotlight because two students had oral sex on a school bus, teachers and parents are trying to figure out why two middle school students engaged in similar behavior.

Since the first incident in December 2002, administrators have held assemblies and encouraged students to discuss good decision-making, but the message doesn’t seem to be getting through to everyone.

“We are going to do what we can, but at the same time, health (classes are) just one small part,” said Silver Lake Assistant Superintendent Maurice Splaine. “To me, some of these kids just have to stand up and say this is wrong.”

At Silver Lake Regional Middle School, health classes already include discussions of peer pressure, temptation and decision-making, but school officials say responsibility for teaching appropriate behavior should not lie exclusively with the schools.

“This is a problem that gets played out in schools, but it’s not just a school problem. It’s a community issue,” said middle school Principal Jeffrey Lucove. “We have to play our part and we have to work with the families we count on to play their part.”

On March 19, a middle school girl allegedly put her hand down the pants of a middle school boy while they were riding home from school. Both students were suspended and ordered to get counseling.

Experts agree that parental involvement is critical to teaching teenagers to make good decisions. Teenagers bombarded with sexual images from TV and magazines need parents to help them sort through the messages and figure out what they should be doing, says clinical psychologist Sharon Maxwell.

Maxwell encourages parents to start talking with their children about sex as early as fourth or fifth grade.

“It’s not the birds and the bees. They already know about that. What parents need to be dealing with is the meaning of (sex) and how do you make that decision,” said Maxwell, who has a private practice in Canton.

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Setting expectations for teenagers when it comes to sex can help them make good decisions, says Stephen Wallace, national chairman of Students Against Destructive Decisions.

“When parents do that, kids are much more likely to try to live up to those expectations,” he said.

After the December 2002 incident, school officials discussed the possibility of hiring bus monitors, but budget constraints made that impossible, said Silver Lake Regional High School Principal Richard Kelley.

Teenagers who engage in sexual behavior on school buses draw more attention to the issue of teen sex, but they’re not the only ones having sex. In a 2002 Patriot Ledger special report on teenagers and sex, “Rated Risky,” South Shore teenagers who participated in a focus group estimated that about half of their classmates are having sex.

Two years ago, four Braintree High School athletes allegedly raped several girls, a case that drew attention to dating violence among teens.

Two of the former Braintree students were sentenced recently to probation after pleading guilty to statutory rape, and two others still face statutory rape charges.

Braintree school committee Chairman David Cunningham said the schools regularly hold programs on dating violence and discuss sex in health classes, but he believes sex education should begin at home.

“It almost doesn’t matter how much you teach in school, it’s really more of a parenting concern,” he said.

Parents should teach their children what kind of behavior is appropriate, according to their own value system, said Cunningham.

“Certainly middle school students having sex on a school bus couldn’t be more inappropriate,” he said. “You just have to teach your kids a certain set of values - that you respect yourself, respect others and don’t make a spectacle of yourself like that.”

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Teenage girls who suffer from low self-esteem may seek the temporary power that comes from performing sex acts on boys, said Nan Stein, senior research scientist at the Center for Research on Women at Wellesley College.

“This is servicing boys. This is not reciprocal pleasure ...but for that fleeting moment girls have a certain amount of power they don’t usually have,” she said.

Stein recommends that schools offer comprehensive health education that is based on more than teaching abstinence or scaring students.

Failure to connect consequences with behavior is one reason so many teens engage in sex at an early age, said Wallace. Another factor is the impression that everyone else is doing it.

One student told Wallace, “If you watch TV, you just assume everybody is having sex.”

Donna Bagni, parent of a Silver Lake sophomore and a recent graduate, agrees parents should take an active role in educating children about sex.

“I’m very, very disappointed in the youth of today,” she said. “I think they’re making very poor choices and I think somewhere along the line they lost their morals and values.”

Anne Trafton may be reached by